Back when I was drinking I used to write a lot of poetry- mostly bad poetry on paper bar place mats that was illegible the following day.  I don’t think I could even bear to look at any of it today.  I know it was full of self-pity and resentment.  I would go to bars by myself, sit and drink scotch, and write.  It was a pathetic scene.  Maybe the poetry provided some form of release, but it was really not a constructive form of creativity.

Once I got sober my head was a mess.  I could barely think straight.  When  was drinking I could allow myself to wallow in self-pity and reminisce about lost love and other resentments, but I couldn’t stand to once I got sober.  I no longer had alcohol to aid me in dulling the feeling.  I had to turn my energy elsewhere.  I decided to try painting.

I was working part-time in early recovery, so I had a lot of time on my hands.  I stocked up on art supplies, and I began to paint.  My painting may even be worse than my poetry, but this time it was a constructive form of creativity.  At first I painted flowers, and I just enjoyed playing with the colors and texture of the paint.  It was a simple pleasure.  As I grew stronger in sobriety, I began to paint more personally.  I started going after my deeper demons, and I painted some painful scenes from my childhood and teen years.

Next I started doing some mixed media scrapbooks.  I made one for high school and one for college.  These were filled with photographs, letters, cards, and other memorabilia from those periods of my life.  Most of the pages were also hand painted and decorated with other mixed media materials.  I went through my life year by year and reconstructed my memories page by page.  It helped me to remember some positive memories.  As I read the cards and letters from my old friends, I began to see the love they had for me.  There were poems, get well cards, love letters, and more. As I decorated each page around these items, each brushstroke contained a bit of my love for the person who had sent it to me.

These days I move in and out of creative periods, and I am always looking for a new medium.  I happen to work for a company in the creative industry.  We are allowed to decorate as we please, and my cubicle is filled with my own DIY decor and artwork.  I also bought my condo last year, and I my creative efforts there are also of the DIY variety.  This blog is also a creative effort.  It is not creative writing, as in producing fiction, but writing for the purpose of self-expression and having a productive outlet for my soul.