Category Archives: Uncategorized

Coming Back

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After over 3 years, I am coming back to my food plan.  Something just clicked for me three days ago, and I knew it was time to come back.  The last few years were exceedingly difficult and I went through lots of change.  My overeating was out of control, and only getting worse.  Tuesday was a day like any other, but I just happened to wake up and decide I’d had enough.  I ate one last yogurt that had sugar in it that morning before I left to go food shopping.  I moved to Steamboat Springs, Colorado since I last wrote.  I feel fortunate to be able to find all of the items I need for my food plan out here.  I was afraid that might not be the case in such a small, isolated town.  I bought what I needed, and I am now strictly following my food plan again.  Thank God.  I was not sure I would ever make it back.

Day 3

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Day 3 of sugar and flour detox.  I think I should be through the worst of the pain.  The headache is gone, and the rest of my aches and pains are subsiding.  The pain is centered in my lower back and I cramp up a lot.  I have a harder time with sugar detox than I ever did with alcohol detox.  I am drinking a lot of water and sleeping as much as I can.   I am just trying to take it easy while I have the weekend to relax.  Keeping a positive attitude is hard.  I dwell in guilt and shame and it is not productive and a waste of energy.

Tomorrow morning I am going grocery shopping.  I will make a list in advance and commit to buy only what is on my list.  I need to get back to rehab basics.

 

Happy Mother’s Day

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Jen and Penelope, Mother's Day 2013

Jen and Penelope, Mother’s Day 2013

Wishing everyone a Happy Mother’s Day.  I am grateful for my amazing mother and the life she gave to me.  I am happy to be raising my dog, Penelope.  All I ever wanted when I was little was a dog.  I finally got her once I was sober for a few years with the support of my family.  I knew it would be hard to raise her as a puppy while I was working full time. My parents stepped up and are now the world’s best dog sitters.  They care for Penelope as if she were one of their true grandchildren.  Penelope brought us all closer together.  Penelope says Grandma gives the best tummy rubs!

Love you, Mom!

One Year of Abstinence

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Today I am celebrating one year of abstinence from my eating disorders.  One year ago today I boarded a plane to Florida at over 300 lbs.  I was on my way to rehab to be treated for compulsive overeating, my primary eating disorder. I went through my usual humiliation of asking for a lap belt extender from the flight attendant since airplane seat belts had ceased to fit me. As usual the flight attendant forgot, and I had to ask again, this time with more passengers around to listen to my embarrassing request.  A few passengers a row ahead of me sneered at me then whispered to each other.  Once I got the extender, I fastened my seat belt, and stared out the window.  I was on my way to start a new life.  It turned out to be the last trip I would ever need to ask for a lap belt extender.  30 days later on my return flight I was able to use a standard seat belt.  Little miracles…

Sharing the Personal Publicly

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My first time I really shared my addiction issues publicly was a post I made on Facebook back on November 5th, 2012.  It was around the anniversary of the passing of my dear friend Lisa.  My love for my friend and my grief over her passing were part of what pushed me towards full recovery.  I had no idea how overwhelming the response would be from my friends, family and co-workers.  I was especially amazed by how many people sent me inbox messages about their own struggles or struggles of their loved ones.  I am really motivated to write more about my experience after that.  It became clear to me that I really was not the only person struggling, and people found relief in knowing that they were not alone.  Here is that post from 11/05/12:

Most of you know that I have been sober for a long time now. I quit drinking over 8 years ago. I am now also celebrating 6 months of recovery from my hardest obstacle yet: eating disorders. I always debate whether I should share such personal information about my recovery, and I usually come to the same conclusion. Even if 99% of my Facebook friends think it is too much information to share, there is always the chance that 1% may be suffering from something similar, and they may get some hope from my experience. I am always happy to receive private messages with questions. I am just happy to be living a sane life, working, paying my bills, spending time with my dog and my family without being crushed by the constant tyranny of my addictions.

When my friend Lisa passed away a two years ago, I was left feeling guilt as well as grief. I was dying slowly every day that I was not getting help. Lisa would have given anything to have an opportunity to recover from cancer the way that I had opportunities to recover from my problems with food. I knew that treatment was available if I could just take the step and get help. My only impediments were my fear and my pride. It took another year and a half, but I finally took action last May. Part of me did for the opportunity that Lisa did not have. The other part of me did it for myself because I just was not ready to quit living yet.

Thank you to everyone who had a hand out to help. You know who you are, my angels of love and patience and kindness.

PS, 4/25/13- Lisa, you are always with me.

Welcome

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Welcome to my blog.    I just got home from SNAP!, a creative blogger conference in Salt Lake City.  I was not attending as a blogger.  I went to the conference to scope out a potential sponsorship opportunity at the event for my employer.  I attended several of the education sessions while I was there, and I walked away inspired.  The conference attendees were women, and all of them were creative bloggers of some kind, from craft blogs to baking blogs to home decor blogs. Those topics had some interest to me, but I would never have enough passion for those activities to blog about them.  Several of the presenters emphasized passion and authenticity as being at the heart of their blogs.  While I was on the flight home from Salt Lake City back to northern New Jersey, I began a list of what I am passionate about, and everything on the list centered around my recovery from alcoholism and eating disorders.  My commitment to my recovery guides all my choices in life.  I would love to share my journey with you.